Saugatuck Congregational Church, UCC
© Rev. Alison J. Buttrick Patton
February 12, 2017
Scripture: Matthew 5:21-37
Happy almost-Valentine’s Day. We are just two days away from that reputedly most romantic of Hallmark holidays, when lovers will proclaim their devotion with flowers and chocolates and elegant or not-so-elegant poetry… which makes me wonder whether the architects of the lectionary may have had a twisted sense of humor. The lectionary is the calendar of scripture texts to be read each week; it divides up the gospel readings over the course of a three year cycle. So, here we are, on the cusp of Cupid’s favorite day, and the lectionary wants us to talk about adultery, and divorce, being angry and breaking vows. All in one Sunday. It’s a little overwhelming. Just ask participants in our weekly Bible Study, who grappled with this text on Wednesday.
It is tempting to skip over this reading altogether, these verses that feel at turns outdated and downright disturbing. It is tempting to turn the page; to note that we have moved on, after all; that our reading of scripture has grown more sophisticated since the middle ages, more nuanced: God certainly doesn’t expect us to gouge out an eye, or to stay in a miserable marriage… And besides, these matters are private. Surely, the pastor’s not going to talk about this stuff? Surely, I’m not expected to preach on this stuff…
Then again, maybe our very discomfort is reason enough to linger over these lines, lodged in the middle of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount. We live in a culture in which 50% of marriages end in divorce; a country in which infidelity is commonplace and many marriage vows are preceded by another legal contract: a pre-nuptial agreement, just in case the marriage doesn’t work out.
In our own congregation, we have people who have experienced the pain of divorce, along with those who have been happily married for decades. I suspect we also have folks who are unhappily married, people who have experienced abuse or betrayal; people who are struggling to mend broken relationships and those who have no desire to do so. We are, after all, human. So perhaps we DO need to take up this tender topic. Perhaps it is worth giving these apparently judgmental texts a closer look.
For if we recognize that Jesus sometimes spoke in hyperbole, was intentionally provocative, we also know that he did so to make a point. What, then, IS his point here? What is he saying about the nature of God and God’s hopes for us?
“You have heard it said, don’t murder. But I say to you: even lashing out in anger is a problem.”
“You have heard it said, you shall not commit adultery. But I say to you, even eyeing someone as if they belonged to you is a problem.”
“It was also said, whoever divorces his wife, just give her a certificate of divorce. But I say to you, anyone who divorces his wife puts her in a treacherous situation…”
“You have heard it said, you shall not swear falsely, but I say to you, don’t swear an oath at all; it’s what you do not what you say that matters…”
Every one of these pronouncements is concerned with relationship – how our behavior impacts those around us, and whether we regard one another as worthy of love and belonging.
Anger can be a healthy human emotion; even Jesus got angry – turned over those tables in the temple. But taking out my anger on a brother or a sister makes my anger more important than his or her well-being.
Desire: also a healthy human emotion. But when I confuse attraction with possession, when I objectify another person, eye them only in terms of how they might serve my wants, I dehumanize them.
Divorce used to be the prerogative of men who wanted to dismiss their wives for any number of reasons. Writing them off and kicking them out, put women in extremely vulnerable circumstances, without economic support and at risk of being judged by the community – even stoned to death.
Women deserve to be respected, said Jesus, not rejected.
All of these observations build on existing Jewish law, but in each case, Jesus is kicking things up a notch. Why? Because, he says, the standards have changed: the Reign of God is coming, and in that beloved community, the bar is set higher for human relationships: In God’s realm, we love one another not because the law commands it, but because every person is inherently worthy of love – we all belong to God and to each other.
That’s the vision, God’s hope for humanity. The thing is: we’re not there yet. We still wound each other. We live broken-hearted lives. We are impatient and dismissive and hurtful – sometimes even on purpose. Our relationships fail, for all kinds of reasons. And texts like this one can leave us wondering if those failures put us outside the circle of God’s care. Does blowing up at my neighbor, or ending a marriage, or breaking my promises make me ineligible for citizenship in God’s Beloved Community?
Here’s what I know to be true:
Ours is a God of Covenant, a God who models: fidelity, patience, forgiveness. A God who has invested Herself in building that beloved community. Remember the rainbow? God said, “This is the sign of the covenant that I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations: I have set my bow in the clouds, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth.” (Genesis 9:12-13)
God promised Abraham that his descendants would number as many as the stars. God promised to free the Israelites from Egypt. In Jesus, God promised that new life is always possible. The entire story of God’s involvement with people is a story about keeping covenant, even when the people disappointed God, again and again. God stuck with them, sticks with us, because, it seems, God values those connections above all else.
So yes: covenant matters. God calls us to take our promises seriously, all our commitments, from our baptismal vows to our marriage vows; from the public promises we make when we join a church community, to the whispered promises we make in our prayers. Not just when they work for us, but when keeping those promises requires effort. All that stuff about love in 1 Corinthians 13, the lines we so often hear read at weddings about love being patient and kind, never boastful, never insisting on its own way, etc.? (1 Corinthians 13:1-13). Those words were not originally intended as advice for newly-weds; they were addressed to the entire congregation. They were meant to remind everyone that building community requires intention, patience, practice, grit and grace…
When was the last time you re-read any of the vows you’ve taken – marriage vows, baptismal vows, new member vows? In retrospect, days or months or years into living out those promises, re-visiting those words can remind us why we made those promises in the first place; they can re-root us. They can also sound grand, aspirational, even unattainable.
See, this I also know to be true: that we get it wrong all the time. Things fall apart, patience unravels and we run out of grit and grace. Some days, the arguments outnumber the apologies; and the only words we can find are hurtful; Sometimes, maybe more often than not, we fall short of those promises we make to love each other, serve God, seek justice, and be faithful…
We get it wrong, just like generations of God’s people have gotten it wrong again and again. And yet: God is still with us. Because if God is a God of Covenant – God of Kept Promises, She is also a God of Forgiveness – God of Broken Promises. God wants nothing more than to mend the broken places, to forge new connections, to knit us back together into holy, beloved community. God wants us to live whole-hearted lives.
In the words of Archbishop Desmond Tutu and his daughter, the Rev Mpho Tutu:
“I would like to share with you two simple truths: there is nothing that cannot be forgiven, and there is no one undeserving of forgiveness.”[1]
So no: I don’t believe that blowing up at your neighbor, or ending a marriage, or breaking promises permanently disqualifies one from citizenship in God’s beloved community. I DO believe that those occasions are cause for profound grief; that we ought always to lament the ways and places that we fragment the bonds of human connection. That Jesus calls us to name those places, to seek forgiveness, to try again. Not every broken relationship can be restored to its former shape; but healing is always possible. Archbishop Desmond Tutu goes on:
“The quality of human life on our planet is nothing more than the sum total of our daily interactions with one another. Each time we help, and each time we harm, we have a dramatic impact on our world. Because we are human, some of our interactions will go wrong, and then we will hurt or be hurt, or both. It is the nature of being human, and it is unavoidable. Forgiveness is the way we set those interactions right. It is the way we mend tears in the social fabric. It is the way we stop our human community from unraveling.”[2]
This Valentine’s Day, the image I keep returning to, is that image of a whole heart. Not a heart that has never sustained damage, but one which is mended again and again by God’s grace. Researcher Brené Brown says that whole-hearted people are the ones who trust that they are worthy of love and belonging.[3] They know how to show up as their whole selves, flaws and all. They have the courage to make mistakes, to ask forgiveness, to seek amends.
This, I believe, is the task set before us by Jesus, in that Sermon on the Mount: to practice keeping covenant, every day; when we stumble, to re-do and re-new, trusting that God is in this with us. To remember, every day, that we are all inherently worthy of love, that we all belong to God and to each other. This, beloved of God, is the best Valentine of all.
Amen.
Scripture:
Matthew 5:21-37 New Revised Standard Version
21 “You have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, ‘You shall not murder’; and ‘whoever murders shall be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment; and if you insult a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council; and if you say, ‘You fool,’ you will be liable to the hell of fire. 23 So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift. 25 Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are on the way to court with him, or your accuser may hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison. 26 Truly I tell you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to go into hell.
31 “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that anyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
33 “Again, you have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but carry out the vows you have made to the Lord.’ 34 But I say to you, do not swear at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, 35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. 36 And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. 37 Let your word be ‘Yes, Yes’ or ‘No, No’; anything more than this comes from the evil one.
[1][1][1] Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu, The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World, (New York: HarperOne, 2014), p. 3.
[2] Ibid, p. 4.
[3] http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability and Daring Greatly by Brené Brown.