No Brown M&Ms
DATE: September 20, 2009
SCRIPTURE:
Proverbs 22:1-5
It is not uncommon for actors, musicians and others, to stipulate in their contracts that certain items be provided in their dressing rooms and in the back stage areas of theaters and concert halls.
Frank Sinatra, for instance, insisted that there be, among many other items, three cans of chicken and rice soup, twelve boxes of Ludens Cough Drops, six white bath towels and one carton of unfiltered Camel cigarettes. (He may not have needed the cough drops if he'd given up the cigarettes!)
At one time comedian Bill Cosby, who'll be doing a benefit for Interfaith Housing next month in Bridgeport, demanded six Cokes, a television and a box of plain popcorn, no salt or butter, just plain!
And opera singer Luciano Pavarotti was adamant that there be no flowers at all in the back stage area. Additionally, he required that there be five videos of movies in Italian or English, and a golf cart to help him move about his considerable frame.
But arguably, the most specific dressing room demand could be found in the contract rider created for the rock band Van Halen. Like many other contracts, it called for several bottles of liquor and special foods, in their case things like smoked herring. But in the midst of it all was an expectation that there be a bowl of M & Ms, with a caveat: “WARNING,” reads the contract in capital letters, all underlined, “ABSOLUTELY NO BROWN ONES!” (www.thesmokinggun.com)
How like rock stars, you might think! Spoiled brats! Self-centered, egotistical—just awful! But in truth, there was a real purpose behind the request.
In his autobiography Van Halen's lead singer, David Lee Roth, explains that their touring stage show involved setting up a massive amount of equipment. In fact, it took nine eighteen wheelers to haul it around the country. Their contract—all fifty plus pages of it—listed in detail how the equipment was to be set up, and what was needed to support it. There were many safety concerns, for if things weren't assembled in just the right manner, the stage could collapse, or lighting equipment might fall down. And many of the places they played were just not used to hosting such big productions.
So, buried in the middle of the contract was the brown M&M provision. “[W]hen I'd walk backstage,” writes Roth, “if I saw brown M&Ms in that bowl… we'd line check the entire production.” (Quoted on www.snopes.com) If the local presenters of the concert hadn't read the contract carefully enough to catch the brown M&Ms, they'd probably made other mistakes—mistakes that could be life-threatening.
Like canaries in mine shafts, brown M&Ms provided a warning—a note of caution.
Being cautious is an odd sort of attribute. One can be overly cautious. One can move through life never taking risks, always playing it safe. Yet one can also go to the other extreme—one can be foolhardy and reckless, always throwing caution to the wind. The trick, of course, is finding middle ground.
I was reminded recently how Bob, my next brother down, was a bit of a daredevil when we were kids. He loved to do things like jump off the railroad trestle into the marsh waters fifteen feet below. My mother took it all in stride, but she once told him, “Bob, so long as it's not illegal or immoral, I don't care what you do, just don't tell me about it!”
It's OK to take risks, she was saying, but do practice a measure of caution: if it's illegal, or immoral, stop! Heed the warnings of morality and law—and don't do it!
My mother could have written the Book of Proverbs, I suspect. It's full of such practical, no-nonsense wisdom. It is a collection of aphorisms and wise sayings—things like your mother told you! And while it doesn't rule out risk taking, it does advise caution. It does advise watching out for those brown M&Ms.
Our passage this morning contains a classic bit of proverbial wisdom: “The clever see danger and hide, but the simple go on and suffer from it… Thorns and snares are in the way of the perverse; the cautious will keep away from them.” (22:3; 5) Eugene Peterson's paraphrase of the first part of that is very helpful: “A prudent person,” he translates, “sees trouble coming and ducks,” he does, we might say, a thorough line check. He makes sure every bolt is tight; every piece of equipment is in place. “A simpleton,” he goes on, “walks in blindly and is clobbered.” (The Message, 1137) He doesn't pay heed to the brown M&Ms, and so the stage falls down around his ears.
So what is it we need to watch for? What are the brown M&Ms in your life? What are the tell tale signs that something is wrong, that something is out of place, out of whack? What is it that warns you to duck, to hide, to change course—to do a line check? And how about as a society? What do we need to watch for on a collective level?
On a personal level I think the greatest warning sign is anger. When we experience anger building in us, we should see it as a warning. It might be expressed as sarcasm, or in the form of insults and put downs. Our humor may take on a particularly bitter tone. When that happens take note. Something's wrong—something's not right. Look inside. A relationship may be in danger of collapsing like a poorly erected rock band stage. Some situation in your life may have gone awry. Ask yourself, what needs to be changed, or even avoided? Proceed with caution. Take time to pause, to closely examine the situation. What do you need to do differently? Should you back off, or back down?
I think such warning signs—such cautionary notes—also surface in the life of a community, even a nation. Indeed, I would suggest that some of the incidents we've heard about, maybe even witnessed in recent days, are just such warnings.
Pop singer Taylor Swift wins a prestigious award and as she's about to start her acceptance speech rap star Kayne West takes the stage and says somebody else should have won it. What happened to the idea of graciously accepting defeat in such matters? The lack of civility demonstrated by Kanye West is also a warning: something's broken. Something's out of place.
The President of the United States tries to make a serious presentation on an issue of grave importance to all Americans before a joint session of Congress, the highest elected officials in the land, and one of those officials heckles him, calls him a liar. What's going on? What's happened to basic decorum and decency? What's happened to respect for the office? That angry outburst points to deeper problems, deeper issues. Whether its racism, as former President Carter has said, or the longstanding struggle between urban eliteism and populism, as David Brooks suggests in a New York Times column this week (“No It's Not about Race,” New York Times, 9-18-09, A31)—Congressman Wilson's outburst points to something far more significant than mere bad manners.
The Book of Proverbs, with all its aphorisms, often deals with practical, everyday matters. It's not deep theology. It's rarely profound. No discussion of the nature of God. No debates about salvation. Rather, it is commonplace wisdom. It's the stuff that makes things work—for individuals and for society as a whole.
There are warning signs out there, brown M&Ms that urge us to exercise caution so that we might avoid danger, so that the stage of life might stay upright. Prudent persons, those who are clever, those who are wise, keep checking the candy bowl, keep watching for the warnings. And when they spot them, in themselves, in others, in society as a whole, they stop. They look. They listen. They make adjustments as needed.
Might we all be so wise.
Amen.
John H. Danner